I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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