At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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