My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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