don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
