i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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