If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
