Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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