just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
