So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
