Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
