I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
