Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
