ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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