I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
