please come you make the beer taste better
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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