i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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