Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
