i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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