I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
