blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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