He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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