I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize