Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
