I got chris browned last night
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
