Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
