Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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