can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
