The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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