she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
