Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
