Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
