Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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