My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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