I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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