do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
