he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
