in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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