This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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