as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
