Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
