I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
