if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
