I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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