Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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