My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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