You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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