I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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