they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
