you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
