I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
