the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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