I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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