Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i think i just lost a toe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
