My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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