awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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