Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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