why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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