Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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