Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
