Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
