today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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