You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
