I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bring me that man meat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize