bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
