and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
