i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
