i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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