shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
