Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
