god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
