Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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