Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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