I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
