i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
