dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
