she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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