Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
