they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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