I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
